After Birth

All I can say is, I was so grateful to have packed my own heating pad.  That was my lifesaver.  The pain kicked in and even my socks hurt.  I felt like I was run over by a truck.  Muscles hurt that I didn't even know I had.  The nurse explained that I did the equivalent of running a marathon by pushing for 3 hours.  In addition to having the C-Section pain which was the icing on the cake.  I couldn't even switch sides to breastfeed him myself.  Someone had to lift him for me to switch sides.  

If you thought that random strangers touching your belly while pregnant was weird, then prepare yourself for having random people touch your breasts after giving birth.  One of which was a coworker who was not my favorite human.   I have to say the night nurses were amazing.  Although, just a couple of hours after having surgery, my nurse had me stand at the bedside.  I thought I was going to die. I will also recommend bringing flip flops that you don't care about that are water-friendly and wipeable (if you catch my drift).  They were kind enough to leave the foley catheter in overnight. That did help me so I didn't have to get up and pee.

In the morning it came out.  Then I got some fancy mesh underwear and a lesson on how to line a chuck and pads in the underwear.  It's truly an art form. But wait, there's more...it also comes with the squirt bottle.  Do not forget to fill before sitting down to pee. 

While we are talking about the bathroom...oh the constipation was pretty bad.  So much so that it led to my son's birth certificate having an error due to spelling.  Every time the woman came to finalize the paperwork I was in the bathroom.  I did my best while being on oral Dilaudid, but apparently, my "r" looked like an "n", so the long story short was my son's middle name became Eduando instead of Eduardo.  I can laugh about it now, but paying $50 to get it fixed wasn't so funny. 

Meanwhile, breastfeeding became more of a challenge.  I needed to wear nipple shields to help him latch on, which if you don't know can be messy and awkward.  I knew whenever he was being wheeled back to my room because you could hear crying down the hall with the door closed.  They kept saying "he's just a fussy baby".  By the time we left he had more of what they kept calling "baby acne".  More on that later. 

Typically after a C-section, you get a 4-day stay.  I earned an extra day because my scar looked infected and they gave me a dose of oral antibiotic that turned my stomach in knots.  The redness did go away though.  During my stay, I had switched rooms several times due to construction noise that led to lack of sleep.  Then the doctor comes in and point- blank asks me if I am depressed.   I felt so overwhelmed and angry at that point to even answer the question.  Little did I know how much worse I would feel in weeks to come. 

The day of discharge to home did not go as I would have hoped.  To give you a back story, the car seat was donated by my cousin.  I had taken off the cushion to wash, but the father put it back together before I went into the hospital.  I didn't watch him do it.  The father had started a new job and there was a work party on the same night of my discharge. My mom came to the hospital to drive me and the baby home.  The nurse states she has to check the baby strapped into the car seat before she can sign me out of the hospital.  Here's another caveat: she cannot touch the car seat or help strap him in at all, but she can tell me if it's right or wrong.  I should also share that my mom didn't know where to park to pick us up and she was having trouble understanding where to go.  I ended up going outside and driving the car from one parking lot to the front door of the hospital.  When I came back in, the baby was not in the car seat correctly, so we couldn't leave.  However, they needed the room cleaned so they made me go to the antepartum area to try to fix the car seat.  I probably scared the new mom to be in the next curtain over. Meanwhile, I am in pain walking down the hall and I bump into the surgeon and she says, "Oh you're leaving?" I broke down crying saying "no, they won't let me go because the car seat isn't working".  The surgeon got the nurses to help me fix the car seat and we finally got everyone in the car and drove to my apartment.

I've seen so many wonderful looking "bring your baby home moments" on tv and social media but that's not how it was at all. 

No balloons, no flowers, no fanfare. We did all get there in one piece hitting every pothole along the way lol (oh c-section pain).  I just remember getting home and asking my mom, "now what?" 

(I know this may come across as negative, but there is the real raw piece of motherhood that isn't really talked about.  I didn't know then, what I know now.  When the student is ready the teacher appears.  My experiences have been building up my capacity to be a better mom.  If you are where I was, just keep going mama.  You are stronger than you think and more capable than you know.  Easier said than done I know.  Seek out help, that's ok...it's more than ok...it's vital.  Whether that comes from family, friends or talking with a therapist.  We were not meant to truly do this all on our own whether you're a single mom or not. )